Let me tell you a story.
This is a story of a lady I know well. We will call her... Marah, because that means bitter.
Marah has a pretty typical background story for these days. Like most people of her age, she had a happy childhood until her parents got divorced. She was 12 when her parents split. A sordid affair, as they usually are. Up until this point, Marah had been a member of a Christian family, for the most part seemly perfect. The divorce tore a hole in Marah, a painful blow that caused internal bleeding, yet she nor anyone else knew. She seemed fine.
Her teenage years were filled with drugs, drinking and sex. Why not? Everyone was doing the same thing. Her parents seemed too busy with their own pains to notice. Most of these things were introduced through her sister, she wouldn't lead her astray, would she?
A deep loneliness and pain lived permanently in Marah. She thought prince charming and a fairy tale ending would solve her problems. Isn't that what all the movies teach us? So, she set about trying to arrange her happy destiny. Wouldn't you know it? She ended up a single mum at 17. Sound familiar? Does to me. I can't count the amount of young women I know that have found themselves on this path. Just before you go and say "she should have had an abortion", I will let you know that she planned this baby, it was part of her happily ever after. I must tell you, I have known many women who have thought that an abortion was their path to a fairy tale ending only to find it was the worst mistake they have ever made. However, I digress. Marah was still believing in her vision of true nirvana, complete with husband, large house in the country and many more babies. Alone, unhappy but very determined! Although she didn't know it, she was bitter, depressed and lost.
As it turns out she was a very attractive single mum and was quickly taken off the market by a young troubled man. Great, two troubled travelers raising a baby. Don't worry, her story does have a happy ending! Marah and her new husband had the same strong belief in the fairy tale dream. You find someone you love, you get married, buy a house, have children, live long fulfilling lives! The end, right? Well, since Marah had already brought in the complication of a third wheel, they had to change things around a bit. Ok, a lot.
Marriage was much more hard work than they expected. Fighting, crying, depression, more fights, talks of breaking up. There wasn't much of their first few years of marriage that wasn't taken up with these pass times. Was this what marriage was like for everyone? What were they doing wrong? Was it ever going to get better? Marah certainly had become bitter toward her husband, maybe even toward all men. She had also come to loathe herself. Why had she thought any of this was a good idea? She felt trapped. She felt lost. She felt miserable.
Notice a trend here? "She felt....". That was her problem right there. She was always thinking about her. About how she felt, about how she was treated, about how scared she was of everything! (And I mean everything!) She was continually going over in her mind what she would do differently if she could go back and change her choices. She was imagining all the times where she went wrong and what she should have done. She was continually beating herself up about past failings.
She might have needed a hobby, a job, something to give her more to think about. She was too fearful to even think she could work, or study, or have friends, or be good at anything. She didn't have hope. Like I said, she was lost.
One day, a friend, prayed with her about her problem with crippling fear. The change was dramatic, and instant. In her praying, she had forgiven her family, herself and others for things they had done and things she had done. She felt like a fog had lifted and she began to see things more clearly! Although she had a journey to walk ahead, she was rescued that day. Not by prince charming, but by her loving Father God and Holy Spirit and by her good friend, Jesus. She had known these guys all along, but she didn't know how to be free. How to let go of what she had held on to and hold on to something new.
I think by now you know that Marah, was me. But something marvelous has happened over the last few years, Marah died, and I was born.
I now have the most amazing fairy tale ending. I have the blissfully happy marriage, I have the 6 kids, the house in the country, the wonderful friends, the joy and peace that I was longing for. I now feel so complete that I wake up everyday with a smile on my face and praises for God pouring out of my new, clean, unbroken heart! I have such passion and zeal for life and hobbies coming out of my ears!!!
If this strikes a cord with you my friend, know God loves you just as much as me. Talk to Him. Keep talking, He is listening, He will send help. You, are His fairy tale ending!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Haven't posted in over a year.
Well, not exactly. The last year has been mostly taken up with a precious new addition to our family, meet Audrey Elizabeth....
Audrey likes to take long walks, long baths, long feeds, long naps....long, long, long! She has recently taken up crawling.
Our newest adventure has been our move to the country! I have wanted to move to the country since I left it. The peace and beauty has beguiled me once again. I now have the privilege of watching my children fall in love with the long driveway, trees and general slower pace of life the country affords.
Only 4 weeks and my husband will be on holidays! His uni degree as an engineer should have taken 4 years. So far it has taken 6! Bad health has made it nearly impossible for him to finish, but he is determined to see it through. I am so proud of him. I am also so happy we live in such a blessed country, where government payments have made it possible for us to thrive all these years, without either of us having to work. It is sad that some take advantage of this system and leave tax payers with much bitterness, but I hope to give social welfare a good name!